Book Exerpt: “I’ve written this book for Christians who are looking for practical, biblical guidance on how to care for those who are facing life’s challenges,” Sally Sims writes about her book Together Through the Storm: A Practical Guide to Christian Care. It is a book about being ready and present when people need you. This excerpt comes from a section on practical guidelines for visiting and begins with a case study of how to be prepared.
It was one of those mornings. The phone hadn’t stopped ringing, and I was in danger of being late for a hospital visit. As I drove to the hospital, I asked God to quieten my spirit and equip me to be a comforting presence and bring a listening ear and words of encouragement. After praying, a sense of inner quiet returned, and I was reminded of Paul Miller’s wise words about the effect of prayer on our hearts when we’re busy and stressed: “In the midst of outer busyness we can develop an inner quiet. Because we are less hectic on the inside, we have a greater capacity to love”. As I walked into the hospital room to visit a lady who had recently undergone a mastectomy, I could see that she was distressed and had been crying. I introduced myself and sat down beside her, thankful for the quiet spirit within me. God’s answer to my prayer meant that I was better equipped to be a comforting presence in a challenging situation.
Listening well
Our world is full of many distractions, and it seems that the more technologically connected we become, the less we engage in face-to-face conversations. Listening well, taking a genuine interest in another person, paying attention, and giving them the time they need are all skills that are increasingly rare in our families and communities—and this makes them increasingly valuable.
Listening well is the foundation of all effective helping relationships. If we don’t listen well, it’s impossible to communicate understanding, respect and trust-worthiness to others. As we’ve seen, all human beings have a need to be heard, to be acknowledged and to feel safe.
In order to listen well, you need to be fully engaged and give the person your complete attention—not only with your ears, but also with your heart and mind. When you give people this kind of attention, you invite them to talk openly and honestly, and you give yourself space to take in and try to understand what they’re experiencing. When you listen like this, the other person feels understood and accepted.
Listening well also involves overcoming the natural desire to give advice or interpret and evaluate what you hear. In her book God’s Love in Action, Jill McGilvray acknowledges that it can feel as if you aren’t doing anything very helpful when you sit quietly with someone and listen. Nothing, however, could be further from the truth.41 This kind of attention—sitting in the ash heap of sorrow with someone for as long as it takes—is a powerful reminder to those who are struggling that God has not forgotten them and that he loves them still.
Singer-songwriter Nathan Tasker confirms this from his own experience. In 2011, Nathan and his wife Cassie tragically lost their twins, a girl and a boy, at 22 weeks’ gestation. In the following excerpt from Nathan’s blog, he describes the comfort he received from friends who simply sat with him and listened:
There are moments when the darkness is so black that no light seems to penetrate the darkness and we are left asking the question ‘Why?’ with silence as the only reply… Then a friend comes alongside you, hugs you and listens to your complaint and questioning, with no judgement or condemnation. You remember that you are not alone. Their presence echoes a greater presence, which has never left me even when I couldn’t see or feel him close. [1]
[1] N Tasker, ‘A Week Later’, matthiasmedia.com, 18 August 2011, viewed 1 May 2023 (matthiasmedia.com/a-week-later). Originally published on Nathantasker.com; used and republished with permission.
Together Through the Storm; A practical guide to Christian Care. (Second edition), Sally Sims, Matthias Media $19.99
Available from The Wandering Bookseller