How to not be toxic

An Obadiah Slope column

Headline on the AFL site: “Friends, footy and fantasy: The draft hopeful who reads two books a week.” Yes reading books makes news in some places. Oh, and Obadiah wishes Danika McDonald all the best with her footy.

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Trans card: Obadiah picked up this card while getting a blood test at a major hospital. It strikes Obadiah as a neat idea. Who wants to embarrass people by not using their commonly used name? At The Other Cheek the policy is to use the name people want to be known by, while if it is relevent (meaning they are public about it) using a term like “xxx who identifies as a trans man or woman.”

Of those who oppose the trans agenda, there can be two responses. One is to insist on using people’s original names and pronouns, being unpleasant to make a point, and the other is to metaphorically avoid spitting in people’s faces. This does not mean that The Other Cheek ignores the problems of encouraging people to be trans, or is unafraid to hold a contrary view, but is merely being polite. Which might mean this site is accused of “toxic empathy” which term is explained below…

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A book footballer Danika probably has NOT read: Move over Toxic Masculinity here comes Toxic Empathy. This is the title of a book with the subtitle  How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion. Yes., it is a critque of squishy moderate Christians like Obadiah.
If Toxic Masculinity is a concept that progressives like ,it is certain that the audience for podcaster Allie Beth Stuckey’s book is are on the right, the Christian right. It made the New York Times best seller list last year, and Catholic columnist for the paper Ross Douthat has teased out the issues with Stuckey in a recent podcast/column.

Douthat asks why her podcast Relatable is a big hit with young Christian women in the US:
“Douthat: Why do you think younger women are drawn to your particular way of talking about the world?

“Stuckey: No. 1, clarity. A lot of evangelical leaders and pastors have a tougher job than me in a lot of ways, so I’m not trying to throw all of them under the bus, but they’re just not as clear about what the Bible says about gender or what the Bible says about marriage. Does the Bible have anything to say about immigration?”

The Toxic empathy thesis is simple. Stuckey criticises Christians for getting – from her perspective – being sucked in by the left. So empathy for a woman, pregnant in difficult circumstances can cause a Christian to be empathetic. Or attacks on LGBTQIA people might cause a Christian to support “gender affirming” treatment for people who identify as transgender.

Stuckey’s big point is that this empathy is making a choice. In the case of Abortion choosing the mother’s situation over the baby’s rights to life. Or in the case of Transgender, chosing what many of us believe will turn out as a medical tragedy, a lifetime of medication, and for the puberty-blocked a loss af sexual function.

Obadiah thinks that Stuckey has a point. There are instances in which empathy pulls evangelical Christians to the left. And Obadiah believes it should – oppression is real. We should feel the tug of identifying with all forms of desperation. Stuckey is on solid ground when considering questions like abortion. But Stuckey takes her argument beyond areas where evangelicals will see a clear Christian stance outlined in Scripture.

Douthat pushes back on her identification of Christian principles with supporting Trump. And some issues like support for Trump’s immigration policies, unlike abortion, don’t appear to have much of a Bible basis. (But Stuckey tries with Nehemiah – building a wall, geddit?)

Here’s the Douthat pushback, which Obadiah thinks is fair enough.

“Douthat: And Trump. That’s what I wanted to bring it around to. From the point of view of a lot of people who you have criticized or who have criticized you, the divide starts with Trump.

Where you see toxic empathy, they see a systematic delight in other people’s tears. I mean, cruelty is the one-word phrase. Trump himself is cruel. He mocks people. He’s savage to people and so on. But that’s also attached to this sense of: We love to hear the liberals cry. If we’re deporting people — you see this in Trump’s second term, making a YouTube video about deportation that’s reveling in rounding people up.

I think clearly if empathy can be toxic, cruelty can be even more toxic. Do you think that is a fair critique of Trump and Trumpism and its impact on American politics?

Stuckey: Maybe, but it’s not a fair critique of my argument. It’s not a fair critique of my book. My argument is that toxic empathy is cruel, that it ignores the people on the other side of the moral equation.”

So just as we are asked to check our privilege, maybe we need to be clear eyed about our empathy. But Obadiah thinks that if we take anything away from the Toxic Empathy discussion, it should be to weigh up carefully the the situation of all involved, and to be clear when the Bible is clear and humble when it is not.