China Aid News via Religion Unplugged
Multiple studies show that over a third of Christian leaders lack close friendships, and Christian Think Tank Publica is anxious to help. They are running an event in Melbourne called “Friendship Lab” – it’s featuring Sheridan Voysey, who had a successful Ted talk on making friends. (Sydney readers may remember his former life as a presenter on Hope 103.2).
“As a church leader, you know that we can be surrounded by others yet still feel profoundly alone. But what few people know is that this can be one of your heaviest burdens.” Publica writes. “Over 30% of church leaders lack close friends due to their role, and the cost is real: higher burnout, anxiety, and attrition from ministry.
“But it doesn’t have to be this way. Church leaders with close friends have greater joy, resilience, and are 2× more likely to stay in ministry.”
The event “Making Leaders Friendships Thrive” is on Thursday, May 28, 10.15 am to 12:30 pm at The Mary Glowrey Building, level 4, Room 49, at 115 Victoria Parade, Fitzroy, Melbourne. $40 per person.
The Other Cheek asked Publica to provide their evidence for this drought of close friendships for our leaders. They rose to our challenge, with answers from Sheridan Voysey.
1) Where does the 30 per cent figure in the flyer come from?
The 30 percent is a conservative figure from several sources:
- Justin Barrett / Fuller Seminary study (2017): 30% clergy lack close friends (reported by CT here)
- Hartford Institute of Religion study (2024): 37% frequently + 13% often lonely (report)
- Red Cross (2023): 32% of senior leaders often or always lonely (report)
- Barna (2023): 18% often + 47% sometimes lonely (report)
Having led these church leader events a few times, the consensus is that the 30% figure is conservative. And while I don’t know of any Australian-specific studies on church leader loneliness, Australia tracks similarly in general loneliness studies to other western countries so this figure seems safe to quote.
2) What scenarios lead to church leaders being “surrounded by others yet still feeling profoundly alone?” I imagine they might include – leadership stress of doing something like planting a church, moving to a community different from where you have lived before… what others might operate?
Yes, moving to a new location to either plant or lead a church can be a factor, especially for denominations that rotate ministers every few years. But the main challenges stem from the role itself. There are four tensions a church leader faces when it comes to friendship:
- Friendship requires being open with others, while leadership requires keeping confidences
- Friendship requires vulnerability, while leadership requires a certain display of confidence, shouldering responsibility
- Friendship requires accepting friends as they are, while leadership may require challenging those friends to better behaviour or performance
- Friendship means you’ll enjoy spending time with some people, which others can interpret as partiality
3) I wonder whether close friends outside ministry circles, or colleagues in the same sort of job work best. Or do you need both? (Not sure you can answer that one, but it occurred to me.)
These tensions are faced most acutely when looking for friends within the church. But having friends outside the church can also be difficult (as one church leader told me, others still see them as a ‘minister’ and so aren’t expecting to listen or help bear their problems). In the seminar, we look at how to form friendships within church (congregants and co-leaders), beside church (other church leaders outside direct reporting lines)and beyond church. Develop these three spheres, and you can find the resilience you need to serve the Kingdom over the long term.